It was August 24th 2013 and my life was turned upside down. I got home from school and saw my mom sitting on the couch crying. I sat down and my mom looked at me with tears streaming down her face saying, “Your cousin Jessica was paddle boarding in the ocean and drowned.” Right then and there, I knew my life would never be the same. I lost trust in myself, in the world, but most importantly I lost trust in Gd.
Coming on give USA, I had mixed emotions. I was thrilled to be able to experience something that seemed so amazing, but at the same time nervous about where I was holding in my life.
After being here for four weeks, my trust in everything has been transformed in three ways.
1. GIVE USA changed my trust in the world. Doing all the Chesed that we did, helped me realize that while there is so much tragedy in the world, there is also so much goodness. Giving this summer helped me reestablish my trust in the world and in all the good people that live in it.
2. GIVE USA changed my trust in myself. After a very difficult year, I made decisions that I was not proud of. I came on GIVE USA hoping to start over again. One aspect I chose to focus on, was being shomer. Leora Walfish and I decided to learn the book, The Magic Touch together by Gila Manelson. She changed my perspective on myself my body and on my uniqueness. I have decided to be shomer negiah after this summer and I am really happy with this decision.
3. GIVE USA changed my trust in Gd. After such a tragedy, where you ask, “How could Gd take such a young soul away? How can one keep placing there trust in Gd?” Coming on GIVE USA, I davened every once in a while, I payed attention Chumash class because I had to, and Shabbos was just another day in the week for me. GIVE USA changed all of those things for me. I daven everyday because I want to, I learn Torah because I love it, and I look forward to the holiness of shabbos because it is the most special day of the week. As shabbos goes away, we sit in a circle and ebb shabbos away. The ebbing on GIVE USA does something very unique to my soul and my spiritually. My soul feels uplifted and connected to my Father in haven, the creator of the world, Hashem. We sing “modeh ani” which is my favorite song. When I thank Gd for returning my soul to me, I am putting my trust in Him, because I know Gd put his trust in me too.
This summer is only a beginning to my new chapter in life. It’s going to take a lot of hard work and dedication to continue rebuilding my trust in the world, in myself, and in Gd. Thus is where you guys come in! GIVE USA West, you are all my inspiration. I hope you will continue to be this inspiration for me after the summer. I have so much trust in each and every one of you and I hope after the summer your trust in me will continue forever.
Thank you!